The time of identifying myself as Hephzibah has come to an end. I have changed and evolved so much since I took on that name. I have wanted a new name for a few years, and have been waiting for one to come, and a few weeks ago it did. nayelli aletheia. I love, love, love it! I have never gone by Hephzibah, but kept my given name donna marie. It is my full intention to go by nayelli aletheia at some point. Nayelli means "I love you." Aletheia is the goddess of truth. My life is all about love. Self-love, loving others, loving the earth.... And I am always searching for the truth. So there really is no better name for me. So while I work on changing the website's name, please enjoy I Am Hephzibah.
What's the story behind the name Hephzibah choosing me? I spent 10 years of my life in and out of pysch wards, crisis stabilization units, group homes, adult foster homes... In one of my stays in the psych ward a nurse came to my room and told me she had been reading her bible and wanted to pray Isaiah 62 over me. She did and it became a milestone in my journey.
For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the Lord will take delight in you.
No one took delight in me, I was a heartbroken, non-compliant, suicidal disaster. I took the name Hephzibah that night, taking comfort that someone saw past the deserted, desolate woman I had become.
I'm not sure what this site will turn into. When I'm angsty, there will be a lot of hurt and pain. When I'm triggered, there will be rants or just silence as I withdraw into myself. I need a place where it's safe to be who I am. I know I'm not alone in my journey towards health and wholeness, but it has felt like that almost everyday of my life. So I guess this is my attempt to reach out to other's who feel desperately alone, trapped by their woundedness.
I no longer consider myself Christian, but see the beauty in exploring different beliefs. I take what is truth for me and store it in my soul until it's time to let it go and let something else in for a while. That's what makes me donna marie.